we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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