just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
