When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
