My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
