Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
