Will you blow on my dice?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
