bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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