so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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