I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
