you lied. pity sex is amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize