I wanna passion pit in your ass
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
