OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
