dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
