yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
