I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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