I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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