As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
