So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
