Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
