in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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