Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
