just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
