where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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