i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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