Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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