i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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