friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
