ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
