Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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