you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
