I hate all girls vehemently.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
