he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
