i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
