every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
