just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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