Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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