haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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