The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The adults are the big ones right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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