its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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