Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
His nipple licking is glorious
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