I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
