yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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