i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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