If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
