Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
