girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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