Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
