dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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