if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
