dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
