drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
